8|30|25Hello, Gem. How’s your heart? I pray it’s thriving. Let me tell you what’s been on mine.
Choose Yourself x K.M.
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Let me take you somewhere familiar.
A little too familiar for me, but recently, I decided to take a stand against it. And it’s one of the best decisions I could’ve made for my peace and sanity.
So, you’re sitting in a group chat, and the conversation is rolling, right? Everyone is dropping emojis, jokes, and plans. You send a message, maybe something heartfelt, or maybe just something you wanted to share, and silence. No one responds. Hours pass. The thread moves on without you.
And suddenly, that little seed of “Am I enough?” sprouts again.
We don’t like to admit it, but it’s the small (most times trivial) moments like these, being overlooked, unheard, or left out, that sting. They remind us of how often we’re waiting for someone else to validate our presence, effort, or worth. But Gem, your value has never been up for debate.
It’s human to want approval. Psychologists have long found that social belonging is a core need, one wired into us for survival (Baumeister & Leary, Psychological Bulletin, 1995).
When validation becomes your fuel, your identity starts running on someone else’s program.
That’s why a simple “like” or lack of reply can shake us. When we hand people the keys to our confidence, we also hand them the power to lock us out of our own joy.
Feeling excluded doesn’t only bruise the ego; it affects our whole being. Studies show that social rejection lights up the same parts of the brain as physical pain (Eisenberger et al., Science, 2003). That’s why being left out hurts in ways that linger.
Gem, you can’t control when people make space for you. What you can control is the way you make space for yourself.
Think about it, for real: how often do you show up for others? You listen to your friends’ stories, support their dreams, and clap for their wins. You pour into others like an endless fountain. But when it’s time to pour into you? Suddenly, you ration your energy like it’s scarce. Does that sound fair?
You deserve your own overflow.
Take yourself on the date you’ve been waiting to be invited to.
Buy the book, the flowers, the ticket… just because you want them.
Celebrate your milestones, even if no one else notices.
When you start pouring into yourself, you stop thirsting for validation. You become your own well, cheerleader, and home.
You are not defined by who texts back. You are not less because someone overlooked you. And you are not meant to live on scraps of approval when you can sit at the feast of self-worth.
Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you stop loving others. You can love them properly without abandoning yourself.
So, the next time you feel that sting of silence or rejection, remember that you can’t control whether they clap, but you can always choose to celebrate and love on yourself anyway.
You deserve that grace.
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Gem, share this reminder with another woman who’s ready to start choosing herself.
Until next time, I wish you joy as you refill your own cup, celebrate your own magic, and love yourself better. – K.M.
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