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Hey, Gem. I hope you're doing well and soaking in all the progress you've made from your soul work.

Let’s dive in!

The Freedom of No x Shanice

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We’ve all been there, right? You know, when someone asks you for your time, energy, and your ‘yes.’

Your spirit whispers 'no,’ but before you can even breathe, you’re already stacking excuses in your head.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t because…”

But Gem, you don’t need an excuse. No is a full sentence. And this is coming from someone who learned the hard way, multiple times! The type who struggles to grasp the lesson until I’ve faced it at least three times…

From childhood, many women are conditioned to be agreeable, accommodating, and available. Saying yes is seen as polite, while no often feels selfish. Research backs this up! Studies show women are more likely than men to experience “approval anxiety,” the fear of being disliked or rejected for setting boundaries (Holt-Lunstad, 2018).

We’ve learned to prioritize harmony over honesty.

But when we constantly explain, justify, or apologize, we teach others that our no requires negotiation.

Every unnecessary yes comes at a cost. Researchers at the University of California found that people who struggle to say no experience higher stress, burnout, and even depression because they overcommit and under-recharge (O’Reilly & Chatman, 2016).

In other words, saying yes to everyone else often means saying no to yourself.

No doesn’t have to sound harsh. It can be firm yet kind. You don’t owe an apology or a three-point PowerPoint of reasons. A simple, “I can’t do that right now,” is enough. It’s an effort.

Psychologist Dr. Brené Brown reminds us: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others” (Brown, 2010).

And loving yourself enough to say no is not rejection; it’s redirection.

It’s creating space for what matters most to you!

I remember when saying no without an explanation was difficult for me. My palms would get sweaty, my throat would tighten, and I’d wonder if the other person hated me for it. I had to adjust and heal the people pleaser in me. With practice and intention, I got better. And guess what, Gem?! The world didn’t crumble. Nope. People move on from your no, and life keeps going. You’ll also feel lighter, freer, and stronger.

Master your self-respect!

You don’t have to dilute your truth with apologies.

You don’t have to explain away your rest, boundaries, or energy. No is enough. And when you learn to honor that, you finally leave room for your best yes.

★

Gem, share this blog with a recovering people pleaser. Being better to ourselves helps us to be better to those around us.

Until next time, I’m sending you lots of love and well wishes. Thank you for rocking with us at SheIsTreasure. - Shanice.

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