11|3|25

Hey, Gem. Zhara here, and I’m back with another one.

Let’s jump into it!

The Mental Load x Zhara. J.

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There’s a certain kind of tired that sleep doesn’t fix. And don’t we all know it, Gem.
It’s the mental juggling act and the endless checklist that lives in the back of your mind.

Groceries. Deadlines. Birthdays. Bills. And that text you still need to reply to.

You wake up thinking, what did I forget? and go to bed wondering, did I do enough?

That invisible strain has a name: the mental load.

The term mental load describes the invisible labor of planning, organizing, and remembering everything that keeps life moving, especially for women. It’s not just doing the tasks; it’s thinking about them 24/7.

Sociologist Allison Daminger defines it as “the cognitive labor of anticipating needs, identifying options, and monitoring progress” (Daminger, American Sociological Review, 2019). It’s the brainwork that happens even when you’re resting.

And according to the Pew Research Center (2023), women in heterosexual households still take on the majority of household management, even when both partners work full time.

So when you feel exhausted for “no reason,” remember: your mind’s been clocked in all day.

The weight of mental load isn’t just emotional; it’s physical and psychological.

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that women carrying a higher mental load report significantly greater stress, fatigue, and lower relationship satisfaction (Robertson et al., 2022).

The American Psychological Association (2022) also reports that women are nearly twice as likely as men to experience chronic stress and burnout, largely tied to caretaking and emotional labor.

When everything relies on you remembering, organizing, and caring, it’s hard to feel cared for yourself.

Here are some signs that you’re carrying too much:

• You feel anxious or irritated when someone asks for “one more thing.”

• You wake up already overwhelmed.

• You mentally rehearse everyone’s schedule except your own.

• You can’t fully rest, even when you’re sitting still.

Sound familiar? You’re overextended.

It wouldn’t be right if we didn’t also provide some effective ways to set it down:

• Stop trying to do it all.
  Perfection is a trap. Choose what actually matters and let the rest be imperfect.

• Delegate and release.
  Handing off tasks makes you wise. Let others carry their share.

• Communicate clearly.
  Don’t assume others see what you do. Say it out loud, even if it feels awkward.

• Make rest non-negotiable.
  Your mind needs rest as much as your body does. Unplug. Say no. Breathe.

• Ask for help.
  Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a bridge. You deserve support, and whether you struggle to believe it or not, people want to help you.

Gem, you are not meant to be the keeper of everything.

The mental load doesn’t define your strength; setting it down does.

★ 

Gem, share this with another woman who’s been carrying it all, silently. We have to snap her out of it.

Until next time, I wish you softness as you set it down, and strength in remembering that you were never meant to do it all. – Zhara. J.

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