6|29|25Hello, Gem.
How’s your heart? I pray it’s thriving. Let me tell you what’s been on mine.
A Gentle Love Letter After Miscarraige x K.M.
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There’s a moment many women never forget because it’s impossible to. The moment when they realize the hope they’d been carrying is gone. A tiny heartbeat that once flickered with life suddenly disappears. One day, they’re dreaming of names and smiling down at their stomaches, scared yet hopeful, and the next, they’re left cradling an ache that no words are soft enough to soothe.
If you’re reading this and you’ve been through, or are in the midst of, something sacred and shattering, we at SheIsTreasure are here to virtually wrap our arms around you and remind you that you’re seen. Your grief matters, and your worth is never tied to what your body has or hasn’t created.
Miscarriage is more common than we acknowledge, and understandably so, because it’s not an easy grief to name. But here’s what’s not just a comforting cliché: your pain is valid, and you are far from alone.
Around 10–20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and up to 30% or more of conceptions may end before you even find out you’re pregnant. About 80% of miscarriages occur within the first 12 weeks, during what's called the first trimester.
These numbers aren’t just data, they’re confirmation of countless experiences like yours. They remind us that this experience touches far more women than we realize, and it’s okay for us to discuss the painful, human experience that it truly is.
It’s usually not your fault. Sometimes we torture ourselves with “Could I have done something differently?” Gem, the research and statistics help us understand that our self-blame game is not fair.
Up to 50% of early miscarriages happen because of chromosomal abnormalities, which is nature’s way of protecting a pregnancy that wasn’t meant to be. Lifestyle factors, like stress, coffee, phones at night, etc, have no meaningful link to miscarriage for most women.
Stop running yourself crazy about what you could’ve done differently; treat yourself better. Grace is needed to heal from this grief.
Even after one miscarriage, most women go on to have healthy pregnancies, and even after consecutive ones, the chance of a successful next pregnancy remains strong. Keep believing in yourself and your body.
Grief is normal and necessary. Your emotions might surprise you, impacting you with a mixture of anger, shame, disbelief, relief, and guilt. I’m so sorry, Gem, but know this: each reaction is real, deeply personal, and okay. It all belongs to you and is your right.
Perinatal bereavement studies tell us these losses can come with symptoms of PTSD or depression. It comes with feelings so strong that many women believe it's harder than losing a parent or partner. You’re allowed to sit in that pain and feel every emotion during your healing process.
Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, founder of Therapy for Black Girls, reminds us that clear conversations ease pain. Miscarriage is often treated as private, but talking about it releases shame and builds healing spaces.
Iyanla Vanzant, in Peace from Broken Pieces, teaches that healing comes from grace, not guilt.
“You are not broken, you are rebuilding.”
Grief doesn't mean you're cracked beyond repair. You're growing through the cracks, and after you endure the worst of the heartache, you will be stronger and able to share your story with others who need it.
Gentle steps toward renewal include acknowledging the loss. Keep it real with yourself and say it, Gem. “I lost my baby.” It honors the love you held.
Seek community and be open to being surrounded by genuine love and care, whether it’s therapy, online forums, or a trusted friend. You aren’t meant to carry this alone and deserve to be supported.
Let your body rest. Physical recovery can take weeks to months.
Cling to a hobby that makes you smile and brings you peace.
Set a timeline for your next steps, but don’t rush. Research suggests that trying again months after is okay, but emotional readiness matters more than biological.
You are loved, and we need you here; most importantly, we need you to be okay.
This loss isn’t a blank page. Instead, it’s a painful one that’s a part of your beautiful story as a whole. The pages ahead are yours to write, with compassion, healing, and grace.
You deserve space to mourn, cry, and hold tight to your identity. Don’t let this pain define or cripple you with fear. And when the moment comes, you’ll stand up again… you’ll want to try again, and this time, you’ll be wiser, stronger, softer, and more patient with yourself.
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Gem, if this spoke to your heart, share it with another woman who may be grieving in silence. Sometimes, the kindest thing we can offer someone else is a reminder that they are seen and their healing matters.
To the friend who inspired these words: I love you deep, Queen. Your resilience never goes unnoticed, and your story deserves tenderness, always.
Until next time, I’m sending you healing powers and strength. - K.M.
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