7|27|26Hey, Gem! How’s your heart? I pray it’s thriving. Let me tell you what’s been on mine.
Enough x K.M.
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A few years ago, I caught myself staring into the bathroom mirror longer than usual.
I wish I could tell you I was admiring the woman looking back at me. But the truth is, I was taking inventory. My eyes traveled from one thing to the next, collecting everything I believed still needed work, like the dreams that hadn’t happened yet and all the goals that felt farther away than I expected.
Don’t get me started on the pieces of me I thought would look different by now.
Somewhere in the middle of that conversation with myself, a question rose to the surface.
When did I stop believing I was enough?
After the question hit me, I stood there trying to remember.
There wasn’t one defining moment when I stopped believing. No single conversation that changed everything, either. There were simply years of growing up and comparison. So many years of celebrating milestones while wondering why someone else always seemed to be a little farther ahead or why they had more than me, even when I seemed to be working/trying harder than they were.
Damn!
There were also years of carrying heartbreak, disappointment, and expectations that slowly found a place beside my own reflection. I don’t think I was born questioning my worth, but I definitely learned to along the way, unfortunately.
When I think about little girls, I picture them proudly holding up a drawing with uneven flowers and a purple sky. They smile before anyone says a word because the joy comes from creating, sharing, and being seen. Their worth has nothing to prove.
Life introduces new voices as we grow. And that’s when appearances, grades, accomplishments, relationships, and more of the same begin to matter. The opinions of people we admire begin to invade our thoughts. Without realizing it, many of us gather these experiences and start using them as measuring sticks for our value.
Psychologists Jennifer Crocker and Lora Park have found that when self-worth becomes tied to external sources such as approval, appearance, achievement, or relationships, emotional well-being becomes more fragile because our sense of value begins to rise and fall with circumstances (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001).
Reading that reminded me that so many women are enduring the same invisible weight.
Somewhere along the way, enough became a destination instead of a place we already belonged. It makes me wonder how differently we might speak to ourselves if we offered the same compassion we give so freely to the people we love.
Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion shows that responding to ourselves with kindness during moments of struggle is associated with greater emotional resilience, life satisfaction, and psychological well-being (Neff, 2003). Compassion creates room for growth because it allows us to keep walking without hauling shame on our backs.
I have been learning that lesson one day at a time. Some mornings, I still catch myself measuring. Then I remind myself that I wouldn’t speak to someone I love that way, which helps me center and come back to myself.
We spend years searching for someone to confirm that we matter. But we can handle that ourselves, Gem.
Belonging lives close to the heart. Researchers Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary describe the need to belong as a fundamental human motivation. Meaningful relationships support emotional health and shape the way we experience ourselves (Baumeister & Leary, 1995).
Wanting to belong, feel chosen, and be seen is beautifully human. Our hearts naturally reach for connection. So, as I looked into the mirror that day, I realized I was searching for peace—peace with the woman who had survived every chapter that brought her here. And peace with the dreams still growing roots beneath the surface.
Maybe you have stood in front of your own mirror asking questions you could barely put into words. You’ve wondered whether you’ve done enough, achieved enough, healed enough, or loved enough. I hope you remember something today; your life has always held value because you hold value. Your heart and presence have always mattered because there has only ever been one you.
When did you stop being enough, Gem?
I still don’t know the exact day. But what I know now is: Worth has never asked for permission to exist, ever! It has been inside us from our very first breath.
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If this reflection spoke to your heart, share it with another woman who may be asking herself the same question. Remind that beauty that she is enough!
Until next time, thank you for allowing us to walk beside you through every season. May you continue to embrace the woman you are with the same compassion you so freely offer to everyone else. - K.M.
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