5|18|2025Hey, Gem. Zhara here, and I’m back with another one.
Let’s jump into it
How to Pour into Yourself After Heartbreak x Zhara. J.
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Heartbreak not only shatters your heart, but it also bruises your confidence, clarity, and routines. One day you’re building a life with someone; the next, you’re trying to remember who you were before the communication turned into a ghost town and the shared playlists became restricted landmines.
And Gem, I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but one day, this ache will make sense. You’ll thank yourself for the softness you offered, the boundaries you learned to hold, and the strength you found in the mirror when no one clapped for your comeback but you.
So, how do you start pouring back into yourself when you feel cracked open? Start by feeling it and not faking it. Grief has no grace period. You are allowed to cry in Costco, rewatch Brown Sugar (and whatever else brings you comfort) like it’s a documentary, and be radically honest about your sadness.
Wellness advocate Alex Elle says it best:
“You have to feel it to heal it. There is no bypassing grief, only walking through it with grace.”
Give yourself space to feel without self-judgment. It’s not weakness, but the taxing cost of loving deeply. Call your power back! When you’ve invested energy into someone else, it’s easy to forget you are the source. Start calling your energy back… not only in theory but in practice. That means reclaiming your mornings, phone wallpaper, playlists, and peace. All of it; it’s yours!
Make a ritual of this, Gem. Light a candle and speak it out loud:
“I call back every part of me that I gave away trying to be loved. I choose me this time.”
You deserve!
Block, mute, and release! Yes, that includes social media and even the friend or cousin who keeps trying to keep you informed while you’re hurting. You don’t have to prove your maturity by staying connected to what’s breaking your spirit. You deserve to heal in peace. I don’t care what anyone says, Gem, digital boundaries are emotional boundaries too. It’s not you being childish or ‘doing too much.’ You’re allowed to do whatever helps you peacefully release and feel safe.
Treat yourself the way you’ve been waiting for! You don't have to wait for someone else to make life romantic. Get cute and take yourself out. Get flowers just because. Book that dinner reservation for one. Visit bookstores and art museums. Liberate yourself, Gem.
Heartache has a way of numbing the best parts of us, but let’s not allow it to take over. You must start feeding those sensitive, creative parts of you again. You don’t have to rush it, but please, Gem, make the effort to soften your heart. Don’t let it harden over inevitable pain and experiences that forces us to grow and refine.
Therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab reminds us:
"Self-care is how you take your power back. Not through grand gestures, but through small, consistent acts of love.”
Remind yourself of what you need to hear. Write a letter to your past self. To the version of you who tolerated too much. To the woman who didn’t know her worth yet. You can say it all, burn it, save it, or post it on your mirror. Just don’t stay silent in your own story. Speak up and stand up.
Sometimes after heartbreak, we vow never to love that deeply again; we harden and shrink. But healing should be all about us becoming wiser while still being open and vulnerable. Gem, love again when you're ready, but love yourself fully now. That’s the real glow-up.
You are not what happened to you or ‘who or what’ tried to break you.
You are the woman who survived it.
You are the woman learning how to love herself again, not in spite of any heartbreak, but because of it.
And we’re cheering for you because we know you have it in you to overcome anything. And also because you’re an immense treasure.
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Gem, share this blog with another women who is healing from a painful breakup. This may be the pickmeup she needs.
Until next time, allow heartache to fuel your growth and wisdom. This too shall pass. -Zhara. J.
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